Disappointment..

Yesterday I called Rockhampton hospital - the hospital that I applied to for internship, and was told that I didn't get a job offer. They did not say why, but said my name is in the reserve list, and they would call me should there be a vacancy. I was very disappointed, and confused. What's going to happen now?

Throughout the period of internship application, Psalm 27 has given me a lot of comfort and assurance. Internship application is stressful, there have been many nights where I could not sleep and I kept thinking and worrying about not getting a job in Australia. So many what-ifs appear in my mind. At that time, I came across this psalm.

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

The greatest problem in life that is salvation and relationship with God has already been accomplished in Christ. What more should I be worried?

When evildoers assail me,
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.


May this prayer be the prayer of my life, more than anything else, more than getting a job or security of any sort. May I value the things of God more than my own agenda, and to truly enjoy being with Him.

For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.

This verse teaches me to believe in His protection, even in the days of uncertainty.

And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

This shall be my confidence, that whatever happens, God's purpose shall prevail and the enemies defeated. Hence, I would offer praises to Him.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said: "Seek my face"
My heart says to you,
"Your face, Lord, do I seek".
Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.


God will never ever forsake me, even when I have nothing.

Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

I really want to learn Your way Lord. Though I can't make sense of what's happening now, I would be steadfast in my faith in You.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord;
be strong. and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

Finally, I take heart that God's goodness shall be manifested in this life. No matter what the results may be, where i eventually end up, His goodness shall be apparent in my life. So take heart, and wait for the Lord.

This is not a case where you read a Psalm and the Psalm makes you feel good. You see the promises that are in it, and you think that God is going to answer you the way you wanted Him to, because of the promises that He made. No. I did not read this Psalm to mean that God would give me a job in Queensland, Australia. When I read this Psalm, deep in my heart, I just know that my future is in His hands, and He could steer it whichever way He likes.

I think a lot of times we don't realise that we say 'Your will be done', it actually requires our wills to be undone. What i have planned in my heart for my future may not be the same as what God has in mind for me. It's really painful and utterly disappointing, when something that you banked so much effort and hope on does not turn the way you wished. Suddenly there is so much confusion, anger and bitterness rising in the heart. But I just have to deal with them.

Not just that, I must deal with it the faith and strength that God has given me. I must believe that God is the master of the orchestra, that He engineer circumstances for the good of those who love Him.

Yes I must take heart. And wait for the Lord.