The Tree of Life

I went to watch a movie titled - The Tree of Life yesterday by myself. Oh.. How I sometimes enjoyed being in cinema, sitting alone in darkness, quietly and thoughtfully savouring the movie.

 

 

 

The tree of life is an impressionistic story of a Midwestern family in the 1950's. The movie follows the life journey of the eldest son, Jack, through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father (Brad Pitt). Jack (played as an adult by Sean Penn) finds himself a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meanings of life while questioning the existence of faith. Through Malicks signature imagery, we see how both brute nature and spiritual grace shape not only our lives as individuals and families, but all life.  

I think most people will have mixed feelings about the movie. It is not the typical Hollywood kind of movie which is very entertaining and exciting. There is no plot, in the conventional sense of the word. Dialogue is rarely shared between the actors. There are long stretches where not a word is spoken.

At other times, our understanding of the film hinges on a fragment of a whispered line that floats out of the sound mix, then whizzes away out of earshot. If you hang in till the end, this is a movie that will lodge itself in your mind on a permanent basis, a haven to which your thoughts will journey in the days and years to come.

To me, this movie is a prayer. It simplifies the deep cries of every soul in this vast universe, if only we don't crowd our ears with too much noise and allow ourselves to listen, truly listen.

There are many nice quotes in the movie. My favourite is this one. 

'The nuns taught us there were two ways through life - the way of nature and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow. Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things. The nuns taught us that no one who loves the way of grace ever comes to a bad end.' 


May I choose the way of grace always. :)

Week 5 summary log

Week 5 has been so-so for me. I started the week with severe muscle soreness of my calves. They were so sore that they were screaming with each stride I took. The soreness is due to the trail-running that I did last Saturday, which consists lots of up-hill and down-hill running. Up-hill running, which is performed with concentric contraction of the leg muscles (ie the muscles contract as they shorten), typically produces immediate muscle soreness. Down-hill running on the other hand, is performed with eccentric contraction of the leg muscles (ie the muscles contract as they lengthen) and it typically produces delayed-onset muscle soreness. After a few days of resting, the muscles heal up nicely and become stronger than before. Hence, I could not do much running on Tuesday and Wednesday. My training did pick up slowly after that and I managed to do 60km this week. My aim is to hit 100km/week before I return to Malaysia on 18 September.

Tuesday - 6.9 km (35 minutes)
Wednesday - 7 km (30 minutes)
Thursday - 12.6 km (58 minutes) Over 530' elevation
Friday - 16 km (83 minutes) Over 931' elevation
Sunday - 18 km (95 minutes) Over 1011' elevation
Total - 60.5 km (301 minutes)
Average speed - 4.98 min/km or 7.96 min/mile

Paediatric Outpatient

I was with Dr Tom Hurley at outpatient today. He is really awesome and all his patients and their parents love him. He is empathetic, compassionate and he always takes time to listen to both the parents and the children. He relates very well with them too.

We saw a few interesting patients today.

1) Cody with pyruvate kinase deficiency. (she looks completely yellow)
2) Jasmine with Angelman syndrome.
3) A boy with pervasive developmental disorder - no otherwise specified (PPD-NOS)
4) A girl with type 1 diabetes mellitus who is on insulin. (she told me that she is sad coz everyone in her family and class can eat chocolate but she can't because of her illness)
5) A boy with Down syndrome.

Seeing these children with some form of mal-development/disorder made me think about how sometimes life can throw such heavy blow at you. Having children is meant to be a joyful thing, but it can suddenly become an instant nightmare when the child inherits or acquires some form of chronic diseases. I cannot imagine what the parents' reactions were when such unfortunate events occur. Shock? Utter bewilderment? Fear? Anger? Bitterness? It certainly made me think about my own children as well.

Looking at these children, it is not pity that welled up in my heart. It is... adoration, deep sympathy, love, and connection mixed with a tinge of sadness. No matter what chronic illnesses they bear, they are a beautiful creation, if you can see through the eyes of God, rather than the eyes of sins. Just by being with them, watching their every movement, smiling and playing with them worth a lot more than being able to analyse them, study them, or theorise various forms of treatment for them.

'See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.' Matthew 18:10

God bless these children. :)

Week 4 - Summary log

Week 4 is probably the hardest and longest training I have done in a long time. My legs felt really good and I could just go a good distance without feeling pain.

Monday - 11km (52 mins30 sec)
Tuesday - 13.8km (73 mins)
Wednesday - 11.2km (56 mins)
Thursday - 17.1km (84 mins)
Friday - 6.2 km (29 mins) - on Vibram Five Fingers
Saturday - 21.4 km (130 mins) - Trail running
Total - 80.9km (424 mins 30sec)
Average speed - 5.25 min/km or 8.40 min/mile

Highlight of the week - TRAIL RUNNING at Kondalilla National Park.

Entrance of Kondalilla Park

I was going to make a return journey. 21.4km in total.

Map of my run. I went from M2 to M1.

Elevation. I ran from M2 to M1 and back again.

Kondalilla Fall. Not very beautiful actually.

Bumping into a forest friend on my way

Not sure if it's poisonous

Baroon Pocket Dam from far

Catching a view

The trail. This is the straightest part. Most parts are undulating and extremely uneven.

Look forward to a better week of running ahead!

Guidance

The Spirit has prompted me to write how God has guided me in this valley of darkness. This is to recount God's faithfulness in my life, as well as to serve as a future reminder that God is sovereign and His plans are perfect.

I have been very anxious and fearful throughout this period. I guess it's the possibility of having to go back to Malaysia (or Singapore) that made me worried. Don't get me wrong. It is my desire to return to Malaysia to work. There is no doubt about that. Since God miraculously opened the door for me to study medicine, I know deep in my heart that this life of mine is for living for Him. This gift of medicine shall be used to serve His people in the poorest places.

It's just that I am in a lot of debt at the moment. After I graduate, the approximate amount of debt I have is around Aud$ 120, 000. If I work in Malaysia, it's going to take a lifetime to repay. Moreover, the debt would bound me in a place, such that the stress of work and repayment of debt would take away all my desire and freedom to travel to conflict zones/disaster areas to do mission work and spread the gospel. Hence my (human) plan has always been to stay in Australia and work, to clear my debt as soon as I can, and to get my training done here, so that in the future it makes it easier for me to go to other countries with the  Australian qualification. The place that I eventually hope to settle down to build my family with Mao is Borneo, Malaysia. It's there where I can feel God's heartbeat to share His love with mankind and my desire to live, work and play, meet.

When I didn't get a job offer from Rockhampton, my life suddenly took a nasty turn. I was greatly disappointed. More than that, I was anxious. I feared that it's His will for me to return to Malaysia at this point. Because the thought of going home at the end of year is just unimaginably difficult. But I know, if it's His will for me, I would have to follow. Because He knows best.

In this period, God has spoken to me through the Psalms and Proverbs.

'Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distresses.
Consider all my affliction and my trouble, 
and forgive all me sins.'
                                            Psalm 25:16-18

'I know that the Lord will maintain the cause of the afflicted,
and will execute justice for the needy.
Surely the righteous shall give thanks to Your name;
the upright shall dwell in your presence.'
                                            Psalm 140:12-13

'When the cares of my heart are many,
Your consolations cheer my soul.'
                                             Psalm 94:19

'You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that God is for me.'
                                              Psalm 56:6-9

Lord, You know all my afflictions. That's enough for me. I don't need everyone to know or sympathise with me. I just need You to know. 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake. 
                                          Psalm 23:1-3

Deep in my heart, I know that it's not my anxiety about the future that matters. What matters more is my posture before God in this time of uncertainty. Will I choose to doubt Him, and frantically use my human effort to call all hospitals to secure my future? Or will I choose to trust Him, that He indeed has a better plan? This is a matter of righteousness, as a time of crisis like this reveals our inner faith in Him, and how we respond to trials. Lord, lead me in paths of righteousness, for Your name's sake.

The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when He delights in his way,
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.
                                                Psalm 37:23-24

Lie not in wait as a wicked man against the dwelling of the righteous;
do no violence to his home;
for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.
                                                  Proverbs 24:15-16

'Cast your burden on the Lord,
and He will sustain you;
He will never permit the righteous to be moved.
                                                    Psalm 55:22

The psalmist was honest about life. He knew that even righteous fall. But he knew something more. He knew even when righteous fall, God would still uphold their hands. Trials and tribulations are not an indicator of our faithfulness or righteousness in Christ; because even the righteous are not spared from them. But God designs our life circumstances such that, trials and tribulations shall come to us, but they will not overcome us, because our steps are established by Him.

'Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Those of low estate are but a breath;
those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
they are together lighter than a breath.
Put no trust in extortion;
Set no vain hopes on robbery;
if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this:
That power belongs to God,
and that to You, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
                                                           Psalm 62:8-12

So many times Psalm assures us that God is our refuge. Trust in Him. Abide in Him. Take cover under His wings. Hide in the shadow of the Almighty. Oh.. What blessedness. What joy. What comfort. To able to seek refuge in God. To dwell in His steadfast love for us.


'The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to Him.'
                                                                       Proverbs 15:8
'The Lord is far from the wicked,
but He hears the prayer of the righteous.'
                                                                      Proverbs 15:29

'Then he (Angel Gabriel) said to me, 'Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words.'
                                                                                                                              Daniel 10:12

The bible has so many assurances that God listens to our prayers. He is not a far away God who does not listen or does not care. Oh if only we can pray and pray and pray till heaven opens and hell breaks. This is my confidence, that God listens to the prayer of His children.

My soul knows very well

There is no reason why I can't trust God this time.

I have been through my fair share of disappointment and unpleasant surprises in life. By this I mean when things did not turn the way I thought they would, when I was suddenly caught unprepared, off-guard, and not ready to accept what lied ahead. Those days were dark, and there was always a mixture of deep ache, anger, bitterness, frustration in me. But somehow, as I have now realised, those events were precisely and beautifully 'planned' by our Father for my own good. My souls knows it very well.

Event 1
After I have completed my secondary school, I have made up my mind to go to St. Andrew's Junior College for my Pre-U education. I thought my O levels' results were decent enough to get a place in SAJC easily, considering the fact that I was from St. Andrew's Secondary School and that I was in SAJC for first three months. But as it turned out, I was posted to Anglo-Chinese Junior College instead. ACJC is known to be a better college than SAJC, and the fact that I put ACJC as my fifth choice still did not prevent me from being sent there. It was a big shock for me. I immediately called SAJC vice-principal - Ms Mabel Seah to explain to her my situation, that something must have done wrong in the posting process. I asked for her to allow me to return to SAJC again, coz there's where all my friends were. (I hardly knew a soul in ACJC). She agreed, on the condition that I took up double sciences (Physics and Chemistry) and double maths (Math C and Further Math). Whereas ACJC had allowed me to do my preferred subjects, which are triple sciences (biology, chemistry and physics) and math. After much thinking, I decided to stay in ACJC to start a new life.

Now as I look back, I know why God had wanted me to go there. It's not that I had a great time in ACJC or made some great friends. But in ACJC, I was required to step out of my own comfort zone to meet new people. To be honest, I was depressed most of the times in AC, coz I found it difficult to relate to people there. Many were high-achievers, whether in academics or sports, and it seemed like if you are not good in either, you would not be recognised at all. Everyday during recess, I would go to spectator stand (in front of the school track and field) by myself and just spend some quiet time there. Occasionally two of my friends (Douglas and Kim Sung) would join me. Being there by myself, and being constantly unhappy, allowed me to draw nearer to God in a special way. I came to a realisation that He accepts me for who I am, regardless of whether I was outstanding in the eyes of the world or not. I think this marked the beginning of my discipleship in Christ. This is where I base my security in Him, not on my ability to serve Him or make Him proud, but on His great love for me.

Of course, through ACJC canoeing (which I joined in my year 2), I was exposed to a variety of strenous physical training regimen. That allowed me to later apply it in Infinity Milers, a club that I joined when I was in IMU.

My ACJC classmates

Chilling out in Sentosa.

My AC canoeing mates. All of them are strong and valiant men.

Event 2

My plan had always been to do well for my A levels', so that I could enter NUS for medicine. At that time, my dream was to be a missionary doctor, to go to poor developing countries to do medical work as well as to spread the gospel. However, my A levels results turned out to be much worse than I thought, and there was just no way I could enter NUS with that results. I was devastated. I did not know why I got such poor results. I thought I worked hard, and my study partner and best friend then - Benjamin Sim said that he did not understand too, coz we were both of the same standard (he got straight As).

I went into depression after that. All of sudden my life went into a crisis, and I had no idea what my next step would be. What else can I do now? Day after day, night after night, I had sadness in my heart. It felt as though I have failed miserably. I was a complete loser. A worm. A worthless piece of broken metal. I also could not understand why God would allow me to go through this. Hadn't I wanted to serve Him in the mission field? Why did He destroy my dream?

After some time, I talked to people and they all encouraged me to try something else. Chemistry engineering, accountancy, science, teaching, social work etc. I applied to all three universities - NUS, NTU and SMU, convinced that I was not cut out for medicine. Or that it was not God's will for me to do so. I buried my dream alive.

One day after I have finished prayer meeting in church, Uncle Lumsung gave me a lift to the MRT station. In the car he asked me about medicine and whether I had applied to anywhere. I told him it wasn't God's will for me to study medicine, so I did not apply. He said: 'Don't try to interpret God's will from the circumstances in your life. You just apply. If He opens the door, then good. If not, you know for sure it's not His will.' His word stirred up some reckoning in me.

Anyway to cut the long story short, I managed to apply and get a place in International Medical University (IMU). Through a series of events, the meeting with Sianghon (the missionary doctor in Kazakhstan from Covenent EFC), the mysterious encounter with three strangers in Malaysia whom I had the privilege to share Christ with, the divine arrangement of God, I finally understood the reason behind everything. I realised that my desire to serve God in the mission field was based on my own whimsy fantasy and romantic idea of missionary life. He wanted me to come to the end of myself and my agenda, so He could give me a brand new purpose and destiny again.

So many good things happened when I was in IMU. What I had been through prior to IMU had prepared me very well for the challenges that I faced there. I had the privilege to serve in Infinity Milers, Christian Fellowship, and I also made some really great friends, and more importantly, I got to meet the love of my life in IMU - Mao. :)

My CF family

Climbing mountains with friends from Infinity Milers

Two of my best buddies in IMU. Anke (centre) and J Boy (right)

Love of my life. (After Gunung Nuang Climbathon)

Hence, my soul knows very well the faithfulness and perfect plan of God for His people. At times it may be hazy. At times I struggled with bitterness and anger and disbelief. But often when uncertainty and fear cloud my view, and I become emotionally crippled, that's when I base my trust in our Heavenly Father.

My soul knows very well

You make Your face to shine on me
And that my soul knows very well
You lift me up, I'm cleansed and free
And that my soul knows very well

When mountains fall, I'll stand
By the power of Your hand
And in Your heart of heart I'll dwell
And that my soul knows very well

Joy and strength each day I find
And that my soul knows very well
Forgiveness, hope, I know is mine
And that my soul knows very well

The shoes that I wear.

Brooks Green Silence. 

Weight: 7.2 oz (size 9)
Stack Height: Heel (22mm), Forefoot (14mm)
How It Fits (based on width D) Width D=Medium

Green means go. Green means environmentally friendly. The Green Silence is both. Using water-based adhesives and recycled materials, Brooks has produced a racing shoe that reduces waste. It should also help reduce your race time. Has a minimal upper, full-contact sole, and great flexibility. The faster you are, the longer you can run in this shoe. Suitable for any race distance.

These shoes are actually inspired by Scott Jurek - one of the greatest ultra-marathoners of all times. He wore this pair of shoes to break the American 24-hr distance record. He ran 165.7 miles (previous record is 162 miles) in 24 hours in Brive-la-Gaillarde, France. Scott is a great runner and a great person as well. I have the utmost respect for him. I love these shoes because it's the most environmentally friend shoes I have ever worn and it's light too.

Vibram five fingers KSO.

Weight: 5.7 oz
Heel-Toe Drop: 0 mm (my measurement)

"In just over a year, the KSO has become our most popular model for men.  Featuring a thin, abrasion-resistant stretch nylon and breathable mesh upper that wraps your entire forefoot to "Keep Stuff Out." A single hook-and-loop closure helps secure the fit. A non-marking 3.5mm Vibram TC1 performance rubber sole is razor-siped for a sure grip, and a 2mm EVA insole enhances plating protection and comfort."

I incorporate some barefoot running in my training every now and then. This is to strengthen my legs (esp calves and quads) in general and also to prevent overuse injuries (since i do most of my running in green silence). Vibram five fingers is great in allowing me to run barefoot-like. You can sorta feel the ground underneath you including the rocks and pebbles and sands but they don't hurt you. 

Asics Gel Nimbus 13.

Weight: 11.5 oz (size 9)
Stack Height: Heel (34mm), Forefoot (22mm)
How it fits (based on width D) Width D=Medium

For class leading comfort, turn to the Asics Nimbus 13. Plenty of Gel cushioning provides a plush and forgiving feel, while the shoe design delivers a reliably smooth ride for the neutral runner. The tailored fit of the upper wraps the foot oh so well and speaks to the high level of detail executed in this premium ride.

To be honest, I regret buying this pair of shoes. I bought it out of desperation when I was in South Africa. The story is, after I got injured in Hillcrest Marathon, I went to see a kineticist. After looking at my worn-out mizuno shoes (which I wore since 2008), she recommended that I change my shoes, and the guy in the shop recommended Nimbus 13. His reasoning is: Since I got injured, I would need more cushioning to protect my ankles and knees. What a recipe for further injuries. Anyway, I don't wear Nimbus to run anymore. I only wear it as casual shoes when I go out. 

Salomon XT Hawk.

Weight: 11 Oz(Size 9)
Stack height: Unsure. Likely to be similar to Nimbus 13.

I wear this pair of shoes for mountain climbing. It's actually great because it has good support and excellent grip as well. Because of its high heel-drop and weight, I won't wear them for trail-running. I would wear New Balance MT101 for this purpose instead (see below). But for prolonged hiking and climbing, I would actually recommend this pair because they are good at protecting the legs in general.

Shoes that I am interested to try out

Asics Piranha SP 3

Weight: 4.7 oz (size 9)
Stack Height: Heel (21mm), Forefoot (16mm); non-removable insole

The lightest racing flat ASICS has ever presented to the U.S. market, the Piranha series offers a platform that is designed to maintain the perfect balance of a super fast road feel and exceptional platform comfort. The same tooling as the Piranha SP 2 and a minimal upper greets the user of this ultimate race day shoe.

Mizuno Universe 3

Weight: 3.6 oz (size 9)
Stack Height: Heel (18mm), Forefoot (16mm); non-removable insole

Since lighter weight equals faster running times, then the Wave Universe 3 might be considered an unfair advantage. If your are a serious road racer then you must ask yourself if you are serious enough to don the high performance Wave Universe 3. (Mizuno Wave Universe 4 is out already by the way).

New Balance MT101 Trail shoes

Weight: 7.2 oz (size 9)
Stack Height: Heel (26mm), Forefoot (16mm); non-removable insole

Building on the success of the cult following for the MT100, New Balance offers the refined MT101. The shoe retains the excellent low-profile, minimalistic design, which delivers low weight and a great feel for the trail. With a thin rock plate, the MT101 provides stone bruising protection yet remains nimble and flexible. The upper is thin, breathable and provides a secure midfoot fit. All told, the MT101 is a great minimalist trail shoe that meets the needs of serious trail runners.

New Balance MT10 Minimus Trail shoes

 Weight: 7.1 oz (size 9)
Stack Height: Heel (14mm), Forefoot (10mm); non-removable insole

For the minimalist trail runner, the New Balance MT 10 Minimus Trail offers a close-to-barefoot like ride that offers a tremedous feel for the ground. A glove-like fit gets the shoe to act like an extension of the foot and great flexibility enhances natural movement over varied terrain. Not much rock protection here, but as long as you avoid the pointy stuff, the MT 10 Minimus Trail will excel as a daily minimal trainer or part-time training tool.

Week 3 summary

Week 3 did not go very well for me. I went for an early morning run on Wednesday. After the run, I felt an intense pain in my right vastus lateralis muscle, which then pulled on my ITB, resulting in outer knee pain (ITB frictional syndrome). Ah.. I should have known that I have not fully recovered from the climb in Mt Barney yet. Besides, on Tuesday I did a 10km run, which further strained my right vastus lateralis. The run on Wednesday must have been the last straw for the poor muscles.

Anyway, after resting for two days, it gradually got better. I was able to do a light run on Saturday and Sunday with minimal pain. Here is the summary of the week.

Tuesday - 10 km (49 mins)
Wednesday - 6.2m (30 mins)
Saturday - 6.2km (31 mins)
Sunday - 6.2km (30 mins)

Total - 28.6km (140 mins)
Average speed - 4.90 min/km or 7.78 min/mile

Thank you Mao Mao.

This afternoon I felt really lousy. There was a lot of frustration and bitterness bottled in me. I texted mao (my gf) to tell her how I was feeling. Then she called me from Malaysia. When I heard her comforting voice, I just broke down...

She told me that in times like this, I have to be strong.
I have to stand up and continue to try.

She told me she does not mind where I end up,
that she would always be there to support me.

She told me that sometimes circumstances can be unfair,
but what matters is we accept the trial and face it bravely.
(at this point I remembered that she too, called me last year in tears when she was sent to Kelantan for her housemanship. De javu. She also cried like a baby, so now we both understand how each other felt)

She told me that it's people who have gone through trial,
that understand more about life and become stronger.

She told me that God has a purpose for me,
and He sees it fit to put me, amongst other people, through this trial.

Most importantly, she listens. And she loves. :)

Thank you mao mao. :) You are the only one who understands.

At the peak of Mt. Coolum

At Coolum Beach. We were 'escorted' by the beach guard to a safer area.

Disappointment..

Yesterday I called Rockhampton hospital - the hospital that I applied to for internship, and was told that I didn't get a job offer. They did not say why, but said my name is in the reserve list, and they would call me should there be a vacancy. I was very disappointed, and confused. What's going to happen now?

Throughout the period of internship application, Psalm 27 has given me a lot of comfort and assurance. Internship application is stressful, there have been many nights where I could not sleep and I kept thinking and worrying about not getting a job in Australia. So many what-ifs appear in my mind. At that time, I came across this psalm.

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

The greatest problem in life that is salvation and relationship with God has already been accomplished in Christ. What more should I be worried?

When evildoers assail me,
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.


May this prayer be the prayer of my life, more than anything else, more than getting a job or security of any sort. May I value the things of God more than my own agenda, and to truly enjoy being with Him.

For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.

This verse teaches me to believe in His protection, even in the days of uncertainty.

And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

This shall be my confidence, that whatever happens, God's purpose shall prevail and the enemies defeated. Hence, I would offer praises to Him.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said: "Seek my face"
My heart says to you,
"Your face, Lord, do I seek".
Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.


God will never ever forsake me, even when I have nothing.

Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

I really want to learn Your way Lord. Though I can't make sense of what's happening now, I would be steadfast in my faith in You.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord;
be strong. and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

Finally, I take heart that God's goodness shall be manifested in this life. No matter what the results may be, where i eventually end up, His goodness shall be apparent in my life. So take heart, and wait for the Lord.

This is not a case where you read a Psalm and the Psalm makes you feel good. You see the promises that are in it, and you think that God is going to answer you the way you wanted Him to, because of the promises that He made. No. I did not read this Psalm to mean that God would give me a job in Queensland, Australia. When I read this Psalm, deep in my heart, I just know that my future is in His hands, and He could steer it whichever way He likes.

I think a lot of times we don't realise that we say 'Your will be done', it actually requires our wills to be undone. What i have planned in my heart for my future may not be the same as what God has in mind for me. It's really painful and utterly disappointing, when something that you banked so much effort and hope on does not turn the way you wished. Suddenly there is so much confusion, anger and bitterness rising in the heart. But I just have to deal with them.

Not just that, I must deal with it the faith and strength that God has given me. I must believe that God is the master of the orchestra, that He engineer circumstances for the good of those who love Him.

Yes I must take heart. And wait for the Lord.

Week 2 summary

Monday - 7.5 km (36 mins)
Tuesday - 9.4 km (47 mins)
Wednesday - 10 km (52 mins)
Thursday - 13 km (65 mins)
Saturday - Mount Barney (9hr30min of climbing)
Total - 39.9 km (200 mins)
Average speed - 5.01 min/km or 7.89 min/mile.

week 2 - Day 3

I did 10km today. Discovered new route again. I think one of the joys of running is allowing your feet to take you to new places you won't have otherwise gone, and sometimes to places where vehicles have no access to.

Saw some cattle during the run.

This is where I did a U-turn. The next time, I would run down this road to see what's in there.

I remembered when I was in South Africa, one day I decided to run from my doctors' quarters to the hospital that I was working in. The distance is about 12km, so I had to wake up early in the morning to start running. Later that day, one of the anaesthetists (who is, to be honest, quite a sissy) asked whether I was the crazy one who ran to the hospital early in the morning. He must have spotted me on his way to work. He remarked: 'You need to get your head checked. People invent cars so that you can drive them to work.'

Out of the respect for seniority, I didn't argue with him, though I really wanted to. I don't think he understood the joy of running. When I was running through the empty streets filled with litters and papers on the ground, I witnessed for myself the state of the African lives. Occasionally I passed some early birds who have already started their daily routine; saw some school children dressed in uniform and jumper walking to school; greeted some joggers like myself who were running in the opposite direction, and have the infamous mini bus packed with people (it's the main form of transport in South Africa) speeding past me. Sometimes you wonder what happened there the night before, had someone been stabbed, or robbed, or raped. In your car, you tend to just drive through them or distract yourself with the morning news or music.

This is one of the reasons why running is so fun. You see things. :)

Week 2 - Day 2

I finished work in Gympie Hospital early today.

On our way to Gympie early in the morning, my paediatric consultant showed me Mt Panoma. It is where King of the Mountain race is held every year in the third week of July. The mountain sure looks very steep to me. I missed the race this year, and I sure hope I can run it one day.

I went for a long run today. Did 9.4km in total. Again the route is very hilly with lots of up and down. I realised that my middle part was slow. I tend to slow down a lot when I am running up-hill in the middle part of the run. It's a weakness that I must learn to overcome. Overall, I am pretty happy with the run. And the best thing was, I didn't stretch today! :D

More than the half way mark.

I sort of felt something in my right knee (where the ITB inserts) intermittently during the run. And was I thinking too much?

Lord, help me fix my eyes on Jesus. :)

Week 2 - Day 1

I was going to start the week off easy.

After some thinking, I decided to tackle a route that I used to be afraid of because of the up slope. The distance was not too long, it's just that the up-hill running is endless and it is very steep as well.

I ran about 7.5km today. Great run. The up-hill was indeed vicious. I was almost going to stop and start walking a couple of times. Glad I didn't. :D

At the end of the up-slope. Truly vicious.

T-junction. 1.5km more to go!

I read an article by sockdoc today that muscle stretching is bad for you. Whilst it lengthens the muscles that it stretches, it also weakens it. The important thing during running, is just to make sure the body is relaxed enough (yes you are not supposed to be all tensed up when you run - it's a great way to get injured), and the make sure your running form/gait is balanced, ie not tilting to one side or asymmetrical. The author seemed to have a very convincing argument for it. Wow. Another drastic modern-day error that is ingrained in most athletes. :(

Well if it's true that muscle stretching is bad for you, then great! I can skip stretching now, which to be completely honest, it's not something I enjoy doing. Yo ho! :D