Per-race thoughts

It's hard to describe how i feel now. The highly anticipated event of the year -TMBT is around the corner again. This year, I am in the company of my wife and some of my best friends (all of whom are running the race too) - friends whom I have deep affection and respect for. It's really such a joy to be able to share the journey with them. 

It's a big contrast in terms of my condition, preparation and attitude between last year and this year. Last year I carried injuries into the race; this year I have been healthy so far (thank God!). Last year my training was frequently interrupted by niggles and injuries; this year I have had a fairly smooth, well-planned and consistent training. I guess the most important difference is my attitude toward the race. Last year because of my condition and the fact that it was my first 100km race,  I carried a lot of anxiety with me and i was totally reliant on God to do a miracle in me to complete the race. This year though, I feel quietly confident that if I do most things right on race day, I should be able to have a good race. Or will I? 

It's such self-confidence that worries me now. Would i be running with my own strength and will-power or will i be running in His strength and grace? Will i depend on my training, nutrition strategy, human wisdom to carry me through, or will i run with simplicity of joy and freedom, knowing that He has my back no matter what the outcome is? It's often said we are closest to God when we are most desperate. I remembered how i clung on to God every step of the way in the 100km race last year, praising Him and worshipping Him. Now my greatest fear is that I rely on myself to run the race.

Last weekend, I was down in Glasshouse 100 supporting my emergency medicine supervisor and mentor - Dr Simon Bugden. Whilst waiting for him to arrive at checkpoint, his wife shared a verse with me from the Psalms written by David which I have never come across in all my years of reading the bible.

'He (God) made my feet like the feet of a mountain goat..'. Psalm 18:33.

A few verses prior, David wrote, 'For by you i can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.' Psalm 18:29

It was written by David, when he was hunted by King Saul in the wilderness. I have spending the past few days reading Psalm 18 (it's such a beautiful psalm) and 1 Samuel 19-26, which described the events of his escape from King Saul and the surrounding circumstances when he penned Psalm 18. What struck me most about the whole passage is how God-occupied David had been throughout. His life was in constant danger, but he held on to hope and gave himself to God in holy abandonment. He allowed God to be his moral compass, choosing not to harm God's anointed (King Saul) when he had the chance to even though King Saul sought to kill him multiple times. He had entrusted his life and the lives of his soldiers fully to God. Because of his obedience, God has availed Himself to David and delivered him from all the troubles and danger. 

What WALL will we be leaping over this Saturday? Will we have feet of a mountain goat? When we go through low points, when we are struggling with the pace, when the race does not go according to plan, when we suffer stomach upset or some accidental injury, how will we respond? 

In my heart, I am certain that if I trust in my own strength, i won't be able to go far. For obvious reason of increased difficulty of race course and tougher competition, God has enabled me to train with better consistency and efficiency this time, because I will have a much higher wall to leap over, and I will have my own Goliath to face. I want to do my Heavenly Father proud, I want to run with my heart totally set on glorifying Him and in gratitude to Him for bestowing me this gift of running. Yes I will have fear and anxiety; sometimes I will be too pre-occupied with myself and race plan rather than God; Yes I won't deny that at times I could let the competitive demon get the better of me. But I know, and I know, and I know that these momentary struggles and weaknesses will not hinder Him from doing His work in me. He has set my feet upon the rock, and even if I stumble, He will not let me fall. This does not mean i will win the race. But it does mean that God has my back and will carry on His purpose for me to completion. Such is the blessed assurance that I have. 

Dear reader, if you have not yet known the extravagant love of God, of how He died for you and me on the cross, how He wants to love you and give you a hope and a purpose, how He wants to spend eternity with you, I pray that you will one day receive His love into your heart. Your life will never be the same again.