Why do bad things happen to good people?

I sit alone in my darkened bedroom staring into blank space for what must have felt like eternity. My heart and mind are a messy wreck, and i keep having flashback to events in the waterfall where Kevin drowned. I have so many questions in my heart surrounding the event, the most important of all  is why has God allowed this to happen?

Kevin's death came as a shock to many of us. He is a faithful and loving husband, a great father, a loyal friend, and a wise mentor to a lot of young people. Many of us simply could not believe God would 'take' someone so young and strong and vibrant with such a bright ministry future ahead of him. I think about Adele, who now has to shoulder the sole responsibility of caring for the two kids. Who will be sharing her joy and holding her hands during her daughter's graduation or son's wedding? I think about Zoe (Kevin's elder daughter), how she must have missed all the bedside stories daddy has been telling her and all the early morning cuddling. I think about of Lukas who has not even turned one, who is still laying peacefully in his cradle, ignorant of all that is going on around him. He must have so many questions about his father when he grows up, and how difficult it would be to grow up without a father, coach and mentor.

I have often heard Christians making things worse by offering contradictory and confusing counsel in the face of life's bedeviling events. God is punishing you. No it's Satan! Neither: God has afflicted you out of love, not punishment, for you've been specially chosen to demonstrate faith. No God wants you healed... So many different answers, yet offering so little comfort to the broken hearted.

I have no idea how to respond to these remarks. In truth, I need answers myself more than anything else. I believe in a heavenly Father who loves his children and wishes good for us all. While I do not believe that God caused this to happen to Kevin, my struggle is why He could have helped Kevin but did not intervene? If God did not protect His people and innocent children who were tortured (while some even cried out to God to save them), how do I have faith that God will protect people close to me?

I don't think i will ever find answers to these unsettling questions, at least not in this life time. This is part of the mystery of living in this broken, fallen world. To think that we would be shielded from life's catastrophic events by the virtue of the fact that we are God's children is, at its best idealistic, and at its worse plain naive. Maybe the only way to protect ourselves is stay out of trouble's way, to micro-manage our lives to eliminate all risks and danger. Even then, we can't run away from diseases and illnesses and cancers, from anxiety and depression - which are things from within us rather than without.

Perhaps the only comfort i take is - Kevin has fought the good fight of faith, and he now stands together with the rest of the saints in the heavenly realm. I believe that he is with Jesus now, standing next to Jesus, holding Jesus's hands, talking with Jesus.. He is the safest and the most beautiful place he could be at, finding eternal rest for his soul, smiling at his family from heaven and interceding for the rest of us.

We will meet again in heaven, my dear brother.

Devastated...

Am utterly devastated to hear of the loss of a dear brother and friend. Though we have not officially met, I have heard a lot of things about you. Your love for God, people, mission and adventure - they all are a huge inspiration to me. How I wish we were good friends, that we could exchange great conversation and ideas, that i could listen to your life experiences and learn from them. How I wish I was there at the waterfall, who knows, maybe I would be able to find you underneath the water... You will always be in our hearts. Your legacy will live forever. When life on earth ends, we will see you again in heaven, my dear brother.

Pre-TNF Singapore

Two weeks ago I completed what to me is the hardest race of my life - TMBT 2013. It took me more than 14 hours to endure the heat, the storm, the mud, the narrow cliff, the river, the darkness and the fatigue. In a sense, I feel happy that I finished such a tough course in a decent time. Aman - the race director had told me that he expected me to finish between 15-16 hours. At the same time, I can't hide my disappointment in not being able to defend the title and make my fellow countrymen proud. But I know this is the best I could do with the amount of training I have. 

Mentally and physically I feel that I am done for the year. Now even the thought of getting out for a 'training run' makes me tired. I am very reluctant to write this post, coz it feels like my weakness is being exposed here. But i cant deny the fact of the matter, which is - I am burning out. My worst fear seems to be coming true - that in midst of racing and competing, I might actually lose motivation and the joy to run. My mind is so focused on performing that I have failed to listen to my body. 

Today I went out for a 15km run, from a  initially planned 30km run. I just could not do it. My body was begging for me to stop most of the way. I tried to stretch it a little further, but I had to stop eventually at 15km mark. It then occurred to me that I am not ready to race another 100km next week. I think if I really force it, I could finish the race, but the after-damage would be hard to deal with. I may lose the joy of running altogether. 

This is a pretty hard pill for me to swallow. I must admit that ego stands in the way of me giving up the opportunity to race 100km. It feels like a cowardice behavior to quit, and I worry about what other people might say.  Rachel, in her usual caring and understanding tone, comforted me in saying that of everyone in the world, only I myself know how my body feels.  I should make wise decision based on truth (which is my body is tired and battered), rather than on untruth (what my ego or other people may say). She would support me in whatever decision I make, even if it's a unpopular one. 

I am thankful for my soul companion. Because she knows me the best, she knows my every weakness, she has my best intention in her heart, she is one person that I am going to have to listen to. 

So I decided to call Outdoor Venture to ask if I could downgrade my 100km to 50km. Since i have bought my flights, I might as well not waste it. In my heart, I was begging God. If it's Your will Lord, please let them allow me to downgrade to 50km. The lady (who will remain unnamed to protect her identity) that I spoke is very kind. She told me she would help me ask. And two hours later, I received a green light from her for me to switch to 50km. Phew.. What a relief it is for me. 

Now I just have to muster all I have to finish the last race of the year. This is the third time I am doing northface Singapore, but i still don't deal with the heat and humidity very well. The outcome doesn't matter. Am just looking forward to meet up with some runners there to share our stories. And also to go for food hunting after the race with one of my best friends - Caleb! 

Per-race thoughts

It's hard to describe how i feel now. The highly anticipated event of the year -TMBT is around the corner again. This year, I am in the company of my wife and some of my best friends (all of whom are running the race too) - friends whom I have deep affection and respect for. It's really such a joy to be able to share the journey with them. 

It's a big contrast in terms of my condition, preparation and attitude between last year and this year. Last year I carried injuries into the race; this year I have been healthy so far (thank God!). Last year my training was frequently interrupted by niggles and injuries; this year I have had a fairly smooth, well-planned and consistent training. I guess the most important difference is my attitude toward the race. Last year because of my condition and the fact that it was my first 100km race,  I carried a lot of anxiety with me and i was totally reliant on God to do a miracle in me to complete the race. This year though, I feel quietly confident that if I do most things right on race day, I should be able to have a good race. Or will I? 

It's such self-confidence that worries me now. Would i be running with my own strength and will-power or will i be running in His strength and grace? Will i depend on my training, nutrition strategy, human wisdom to carry me through, or will i run with simplicity of joy and freedom, knowing that He has my back no matter what the outcome is? It's often said we are closest to God when we are most desperate. I remembered how i clung on to God every step of the way in the 100km race last year, praising Him and worshipping Him. Now my greatest fear is that I rely on myself to run the race.

Last weekend, I was down in Glasshouse 100 supporting my emergency medicine supervisor and mentor - Dr Simon Bugden. Whilst waiting for him to arrive at checkpoint, his wife shared a verse with me from the Psalms written by David which I have never come across in all my years of reading the bible.

'He (God) made my feet like the feet of a mountain goat..'. Psalm 18:33.

A few verses prior, David wrote, 'For by you i can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.' Psalm 18:29

It was written by David, when he was hunted by King Saul in the wilderness. I have spending the past few days reading Psalm 18 (it's such a beautiful psalm) and 1 Samuel 19-26, which described the events of his escape from King Saul and the surrounding circumstances when he penned Psalm 18. What struck me most about the whole passage is how God-occupied David had been throughout. His life was in constant danger, but he held on to hope and gave himself to God in holy abandonment. He allowed God to be his moral compass, choosing not to harm God's anointed (King Saul) when he had the chance to even though King Saul sought to kill him multiple times. He had entrusted his life and the lives of his soldiers fully to God. Because of his obedience, God has availed Himself to David and delivered him from all the troubles and danger. 

What WALL will we be leaping over this Saturday? Will we have feet of a mountain goat? When we go through low points, when we are struggling with the pace, when the race does not go according to plan, when we suffer stomach upset or some accidental injury, how will we respond? 

In my heart, I am certain that if I trust in my own strength, i won't be able to go far. For obvious reason of increased difficulty of race course and tougher competition, God has enabled me to train with better consistency and efficiency this time, because I will have a much higher wall to leap over, and I will have my own Goliath to face. I want to do my Heavenly Father proud, I want to run with my heart totally set on glorifying Him and in gratitude to Him for bestowing me this gift of running. Yes I will have fear and anxiety; sometimes I will be too pre-occupied with myself and race plan rather than God; Yes I won't deny that at times I could let the competitive demon get the better of me. But I know, and I know, and I know that these momentary struggles and weaknesses will not hinder Him from doing His work in me. He has set my feet upon the rock, and even if I stumble, He will not let me fall. This does not mean i will win the race. But it does mean that God has my back and will carry on His purpose for me to completion. Such is the blessed assurance that I have. 

Dear reader, if you have not yet known the extravagant love of God, of how He died for you and me on the cross, how He wants to love you and give you a hope and a purpose, how He wants to spend eternity with you, I pray that you will one day receive His love into your heart. Your life will never be the same again. 

2 weeks before TMBT

Finally the race of the year is just around the corner. TMBT is without a doubt the most challenging race in my calendar and one that I have been most looking forward to this year.

In the past 2-3 months, I have trained quite consistently, gradually building my weekly mileage to around 120-150km/week, focusing on a lot of elevation, which includes uphill and downhill running, medium long run, back-to-back long run. I also took a lot of time to test my gear and nutrition, and modifying my gear to make it ultra-friendly. Something amazing which i have to say is I have been largely injury-free this year. I am not sure whether it's wiser training, or better muscular and skeletal adaptation from last year's training, or new pair of shoes, I have been able to train without any interruption due to injury. This year, I have decided to try on new pair of Hoka One One, Stinson Evo Tarmac and Trail. Mostly out of desperation, I approached Hoka initially with some kind of skepticism,  but since everything I have read it from the internet is great, I thought i would give it a try. It turned out to be a great decision! Not my favourite type of shoes (the extra cushioning just dulls my feet proprioception of the ground), but surely one which works very well and reduces muscular strain after a long run, thereby preventing overuse injuries. Having said that, I still make sure I run in my minimalist Asics Piranha 4 in my shorter run every now and then to maintain my running form and strengthen my lower leg muscles.

I have participated in a few shorter races to test my endurance and speed. On 28 July, I ran the Flinders Tour 50km, a race which i finished 6th in 4:32 last year. I went into the race with an aim to finish top 3 and improve on my time. At the start line, I bumped into Greg and his very pregnant wife - Sarah. (Greg overtook me in the last 1 km of Mt Mee Marathon and has a marathon best of 2:40) This is going to be a fast race i thought.  When the gun went off, we both jumped into the lead. Shortly after the start, we were joined by Patrick (last year's defending champion with a time of 4:06). This made the lead pack a group of 3, and we set the pace together. It was fun running with them, and the first half of the race was filled with frequent chatter and laughter as we trod along the bush. Just before the half way point, I broke away from the group and made my way up to Mt Beerburrum. In the second half, I took two wrong turns, first one on my own (which resulted in both Patrick and Greg running ahead of me), and the second one with Patrick when we both pulled away from Greg. I probably lost in total around 8-10 mins, and i ran an additional 2km as compared to the eventual winner Greg. With that, no matter how hard i tried, i could not catch up with Greg who had surged ahead when Patrick and I lost our way. Finally I finished in 2nd place in 3:58, Greg in 1st place in 3:51 and Patrick in 3rd place in 4:04. I was satisfied with the result - a sub-4 50km (The actual distance in my watch is 51km), a big improvement from last year's time.

Greg (left), Patrick (middle) and I

On 22 August, I participated in another ultra-running research in University of Sunshine Coast conducted by Hugo - a French exercise physiologist who is currently in his final project for his PhD in Australia. It consists of two components. First - a VO2 max measurement. I have never done a VO2 max before, so i was excited to try out to find out my number. There was some last minute mess-up when my nose piece dropped out. My final measurement is 75, and Hugo said i could go a bit higher like ~78. The second was a 6hr treadmill run, which includes 4 x 6 mins of 10% of incline at 10km/hr. This added some nice variety to the otherwise monotonous flat running on a treadmill. I ran a total distance of 72.84km, which is an improvement from my previous 6hr Caboolture Historical Village run (69.56km). I think the main difference this time (other than the fact that my legs are stronger) is I have started out in a more conservative pace, which allowed me to maintain throughout the 6hr.

Hugo attaching the electrodes in my quads and calf

VO2 max

Hugo explaining to the students what the 6hr treadmill is all about

Collecting data from the quads, calf and brain

A very modern exercise lab

Juggling between family time, working, spending time with God and training are indeed no easy task. I think i have been stretched so much in the last few months, and it feels like I have always been skirting around the edge of the cliff. I am glad God has pulled me through this period, giving me the motivation and strength to wake up each day for the seemingly mundane task of training and working, granting me the wisdom to decide when to push and when to rest, and allowing the body and the mind to hold up in this intense period of training. This has further confirmed the decision that I have made in my heart that I don't want to run competitively for long term. The toll and sacrifice it has on the mind and body is simply too great. It's always been clear to me that running is a stepping stone to something greater in the mission field in the future. There is a season in life for everything. As for now, I have a few more goals in running i would like to achieve before I focus my time and energy on something else.

My calling - Part 1

I have been thinking a lot about what I should write in my next post during my runs. I know most of my writings are about running coz it's something that I am passionate about but it's not the only thing in my life. In fact, compared to my deepest passion, running fades in comparison. I see ultra-running as a stepping stone, as a preparation to what i really want to do in the future. Lately God has been impressing upon me durings my runs to ponder upon His true calling for me, on how He led me thru many trials and challenges to enter into medical school, excel in it, graduate and now working with some great doctors in a regional hospital. Indeed He has planned the path so meticulously to work on my heart, character, skill, knowledge and competency to prepare me for His work in the mission field in the future. when I realised how much I may have deviated from His purpose, my heart just wept.

I have wanted to be a missionary doctor even before I entered medical school. But I guess it's partly idealistic, partly naive, partly selfish (in thinking it's really cool to be one), partly ignorant that I have such desire in my heart. It's no wonder that whenever i try to explain to older adults about what i wanted to do, they would either tell me off or dismiss me as idealistic. God knew all the self-serving motives I have in my heart so He allowed certain difficult events to break me, to tear down all my self-sufficiency, and then to rebuild me again. He also made it possible for me to meet up with true missionary doctors to help understand what mission work entails. Only then did I realize that to go into 'mission field' means carrying the cross daily, going to places where gospels are unheard of, loving the people first, and then sharing the good news of the love of God and Jesus Christ with them when the time is right. It's built on total dependence on God and His guidance, and obeying His voice, acting boldly and taking risks.

In university, I caught a glimpse of God's heartbeat and His extravagant love for people, even the worst sinners. At that moment, dumb-founded and yet completely changed by His great love, I began to lead a missionary life in university. In my first year, I was very involved in club activities and would speak to anyone who is interested to know if there is something more to life than what they see now. In my second year, I was elected president of a running and mountain climbing club - the Infinity milers. My best mates and I spent countless hours building the club, creating new tradition, nurturing the members, organizing mountain trips and races. All in all, our underlying motivation is to give the juniors a glimpse of God's love and His power at work. And in my third year, after passing on Infinity Milers to the next batch of leaders - Raymun (who is now one of my best friends and an ultra-runner himself) and his gang, I was elected president of Christian Fellowship. It's a huge privilege and responsibility which I relish. My soul was on fire then and I was always thinking of something new and catchy to attract the attention of non-Christians. Together with the committee members, we were acting as God's agents in our university to be the salt and light that Jesus calls us to be.

Milers Mt Liang East & West expedition

Milers training

Milers debriefing

Three generations Miler presidents. From left - Jackie (2006), Raymun (2008) and me (2007)

CF committee Feb 2008

CF committee August 2008

Cambodia mission trip 2007.

Then something unexpected happened. At the peak of my ministry, I stumbled in my walk in Christ. I sinned. (I won't go into details of it this time). I went into depression immediately and I could not face up to anyone in university. I was overwhelmed with immerse guilt, and instantly my whole ministry collapsed. Now in retrospect, I saw how my busy life, my failure to guard my private life and my inability to say no have created an opening for sin to creep into my life. How devastating the effect of sin is. I was spiritually crippled, and my time in university in Malaysia eventually came into a sad and abrupt end, and I left for Australia for my second phase of medical training.


In Australia, I chose a hospital that is far from the city to train coz I wanted a quiet place to rehabilitate my spirit. I wanted to be away from people. Since the incident, I have lost all my spiritual appetite and zeal. In church I would sit in the last roll. Everyday I pray that God will forgive me for what I have done and heal me from my wound and restore joy to my heart again. Every now and again, I would head for a run. After my run, I would go to a small field nearby my house and just lay there and look at the sky, and silently hope God would hear my prayer.

Psalm 51 became my favorite psalm. 'A broken spirit, and a contrite heart, You (God) will not despise, You will not despise... You desire truth, in the inward part. A broken spirit, and a contrite heart.'

Slowly God began to draw me to Him again. I realised that all these while when i thought He has forsaken me, He was in fact quietly preparing me to undergo 'dark night of the soul' and that His love never left me. Most nights on my bed, I would pray until I fell asleep. A strange peace would envelope me, and it then occurred to me that any parent would relish the moment where their kids fall asleep in their arms. Our heavenly Father smiles at us when we sleep in His embrace.

Then came a fantastic opportunity for me to go to South Africa for four months to learn as a medical student! Arranging all the paperwork with the hospital in South Africa and getting approval is an almost impossible task. In my mind, I have no doubt that God was secretly orchestrating events to allow me to get the final approval from the hospital and university in South Africa and my medical school in Australia.

In South Africa, I saw the depravity and desperation of human lives. There was so much sickness, violence, poverty, pain, deceit and injustice everywhere. Even amongst the Christians, there is bribery, lack of integrity, laziness  and subtle racism. However, I had a great time as a medical student and I was constantly placing myself at where the actions were. I learned so much in the way of infectious diseases and trauma management. Sometimes the work got too much, and I became emotionally and physically drained. Faced with seemingly un-winnable and inexhaustible battles and such godless and depraved environment. I questioned how I was ever going to make it as a missionary doctor. I was reading a book - Running with Horses by Eugene Peterson (author of the Message) then, and God again reminded me to persevere. 'If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?' Jeremiah 12:5. This has since become my theme verse.

My colleagues in South Africa

It's also in South Africa that I stumbled on ultra-running. This is another story and I won't tell it here.. In short, running became my escape and my personal time with God. It also sharpens my character, toughens my feeble feet, and  prepares my body for the rigours of mission life. I feel recharged each time after I head out for a run, especially in the trail in the natural environment.

My first ultramarathon - Two Oceans Ultra-Marathon 56km.

Ok I shall end here part 1 here. It details events which were significant in my life up to the point before I graduate. Part 2 I will be sharing about my work, how my view of medicine has changed since I started work, how running fits into all of this, and where I think God is leading me in the future. Thank you for your time in reading this. :)

Caboolture Historical Village 6hr Run

Nothing is harder than running around the same loop, again and again, using the same leg muscles for the entire time, till the time is up.

This is what happened when a trail runner who spends most of his time running up and down trails/mountains, attempts to run the same loop on flat for 6 hours. I thought that my training would more than prepare me for running on flat ground. I was wrong! The repeated impact and strain on the same leg muscles pretty much destroyed my lower body from the third hour onward, and the rest of the run is reduced to a tired and broken man's desperate attempt to complete the time.

I started the first hour on a 13km/h pace. After 30 mins of running, my bowels started grumbling and needed a release. I held off the urge to complete one full hour of running before i rushed to my car and got my vaseline (i also forgot to apply vaseline on my body, which is the worst thing that can happen in any ultra event, ask any ultra-runner why!), and then bolted to the toilet to release! It probably took 7-8 mins to get back on the track again. And then i continued running.

At the end of 2nd hour, I had completed 25km of running. I was thinking to myself, if i could maintain 12.5km/hr of running, by the end of 6hours, i would have done 75km, which would be a massive achievement! Little did i know that my legs were smashed from the the third hour onwards. Even the compression quad and calf sleeves and my Hoka One One shoes did not prevent the onset of fatigue. By the end of 3rd hour, i had finished 37km of running.

From then on, it was a slog all the way. My speed varied between 10.5km/hr to 11.5km/hr. Very occasionally i would do 12km/hr, but this pace only lasted for a short while, before i went back down to ~11km/hr.

Time passed really slowly after that. My legs were crying out for me to stop. I reckon it's a rite of passage for every ultra runner, in that there will come a time in the race where every single cell in your body is screaming for rest, and yet the only thing that is keeping you from stopping is your spirit. I was holding on to God's strength, which shines the brightest in the darkest hour, and just placed one foot ahead of the other. My goal of reaching 75km has pretty much faded away, and now i just wanted to break 70km in this 6 hours.

In the last hour, I took a prolonged rest of about 5-6 minutes in the beginning, only to realise that i have 52 mins to complete 11.5km, if i were to reach 70km. I started to quicken my pace. It is as if i have detached my spirit from my body, and just plodded along with whatever strength that is left.

45mins remaining, I had 10km to go.

22 mins remaining, I had 5km to go.

13 mins remaining, I had 3km to go. There is no way i could do this, I have to pretty much run a close to 4min/km pace if i were to hit 70km. 

My spirit refused to give up! I was asking God to supply me with the strength to run till the time is up, and I would be pleased with whatever result i achieved.

When there was only 2mins30seconds left, I had 1km left. I started sprinting. Finally the clock struck 6pm. The run is over. I completed 69.56km in this entire time in 1st place. The first runner up did ~64km and the second runner up did ~63km. Here is my move.

In a way, I kinda knew that I could have hit 70km if i did not waste my time resting, rushing to the toilet, rushing to my car, and applying vaseline during the run (it should have been done before). Every minute in this 6 hour run counts. Nonetheless, I was happy with the result and how I broke through personal barrier and continued running in the last hour, even though my body has way exceeded the fatigue point. I think this is more important than achieving my target distance.

A big shout out to Deb Nichol, who was doing 24 hour event. (she previously did 6hr run in Feb 2013 and completed 74.66km). We ran past each other multiple times in this event. Her smile, generous spirit and bubbly and cheerful personality really lit up the entire village. She ran 239.54km in the entire 24 hour to break the Australian record!

One last thing to mention - my wife, Rebecca (our cousin from Sydney) and Adena (our friend from Mt Mee) set up a stall selling sushi, spring roll and potato gems in this event. It was a random idea by me because i did not want my wife to wait for me the whole time and i wanted her to have something to do. So we thought selling sushi would be a great idea! Besides, Australians love sushi too! So we pulled together our time, ideas and resources to set up a stall in Caboolture Historical Village. A big thanks to Rebecca, our cousin from Sydney who came all the way here to give us a hand. She really knew how to do business and majority of sales that we had was because of her (other than the fact that the sushi were yummy too)! We gave part of our profit to the Historical Village as a donation for allowing us to use the venue.

All in all, it was a great day of outing for all of us!

The final sprint

Totally spent and exhausted

Again, having my lovely wife by my side means a great deal of difference

Receiving prize from race organiser - Geoff

Our own T-health snack shop!

Change of plan

Sometimes things are just not meant to be. I received news that KL marathon has been postponed to 29 September due to public health concern over haze. Was quite disappointed initially, after i have trained so hard for it. But a while, i thought: well, if God closes one door, He surely will open another. So I have change of plan now. Instead of wasting my hard-earned fitness to natural or man-made events which i have no control, I am going to attempt a Fastest Known Time (FKT) project in some well-known mountains in Malaysia. And I will start with Gunung Nuang.

Fastest known time - as the name suggests, is the the fastest time known to cover a certain distance in a certain place. It is specific to a particular place, as other place with the same distance would have different course profile and elevation gain. You can also call it course record (CR), and it's not transferrable to other terrain or mountain.

Now i am not sure if there is an official FKT in all the mountains in Malaysia. I think in certain well-known ones there are, such as Mount Kinabalu or Mount Nuang. I don't know the FKT is for Nuang, though in the past i have been told by the old folks who live or work there that the FKT is around 2hours30mins, set by a Malaysian commando. Honestly, having climbed Nuang before, i doubt that is humanly possible. It's either it's not true, or the person who did it did not go all the way to the peak.

Anyway whatever it is, i will go try do my fastest time next Monday. I will start the clock right from the entrance to the mountains, go all the way to the peak, and then come down to the same entrance. The entire journey will be recorded in my Suunto Ambit so there is no way i can take shortcuts. While the time that i do may not be a true FKT (that is if i take longer than 2hrs30mins and the commando's timing is actually true), i will still be glad to set a time in this mountain which other people, including myself, can return to beat the time in the future.

There is something mysteriously attractive about mountains. I have that feeling since i was a kid. I remembered in my first ever mountain expedition (Gunung Angsi) led by my school teachers as a 14 year old, I broke away from the group pretty much half way in the expedition and hiked to the peak on my own. (that night, I received a proper scolding from my teachers) Somehow, i feel at home there. It's there i can connect with God the most, in the natural environment, surrounded by the vast wilderness. I suspect that the joy i would have there would far outweigh that of KL marathon. So I am glad. And i am at peace with myself. :)

Preparation for KL marathon

Firstly, i want to apologise for being so inactive in blogging this year. This year has been a massive year for me in my personal life (like getting married), in work (i am working hard to present some scientific papers in conferences and journals), and running. Hence, finding the time to write is difficult and i realise that the longer i stay inactive, the higher the tendency for me to remain so as time passes. But i thought as KL marathon looms around the corner, I just want to give everyone an update of how i  am doing.

The build-up this year has been a gradual, smooth-sailing, almost injuries-free one. I started serious training after our wedding on 23 February, and i slowly increased my mileage to around 100km per week (about 8-10 hours). For the past two years, despite my best effort and intention, i was not able to incorporate speed work and tempo run into my training because the moment i did so, i got injured.  This year however, has been a breakthrough year for me in that i was able to do them regularly. As a result, I have achieved personal best timings in all distances i have never achieved before. After being through countless disappointment and headache in the past due to injuries, I have realised the formula to injury-free is actually quite easy - sandwich these hard work-outs in between the easy ones and make sure you recover adequately before the next hard work-out will most likely prevent injuries from happening. So far, the only nagging injury which pops its ugly head out every now and then is plantar fasciitis of my left foot; but it usually responds well to 1-2 days of trigger point therapy (rolling the sore point on a golf ball).

Last month's Cook's Tour 50km ultra trail marathon was a memorable one. I initially selected this race (and Mt Mee Marathon) as preparatory races for KL marathon (which will be held next weekend), so i didn't have much expectation for it. Since these races were held close to where i live, i thought i would give them a go. Cook's Tour turned out to be a great race for me. I was leading from the start and was followed closely by another NZ runner -  Andrew (who won Wild Horse Criterium 70km this year) all the way till about 20km mark. From there, i slowly pulled away and maintained my lead till the finish, in 1st place at a time of 4:08:59.  The course was challenging, with a good 1053m of ascent and 1073m of descent according to my suunto ambit. (check out the move here). This is my first solo win in Australia.

This picture made me realise i need to cut my hair :D

Crossing the finish line!

One week following the race, my wife and I finally packed our bag and went for our long-awaited Honeymoon in Scandinavia (Sweden, Finland, Norway, Iceland and Denmark). During these two weeks of honeymoon, my training quite understandably took a back seat while my wife and i spent quality time together. We wanted our honeymoon destination to be different from the popular ones, so we chose Scandinavia since we both love nature and sea and mountains/fjords. These two weeks were one of the best times of our lives as we traveled together to some of the most amazing and beautiful places in the world. We also ate a lot in this trip, with buffet breakfast, lunch and dinner in most days of the trip. So not only did i gain some weight, I only managed some minimal training during this period (it was done mostly on treadmill in the hotels).

So from being very fit before the honeymoon, I have lost considerable amount of fitness after the honeymoon. This was worthwhile though, as honeymoon is once in a lifetime! I was back in Malaysia for two days (11-12 June 2013) before I returned to Australia for work. During these two days, I did some running in Taman Bukit Jalil (close to where my wife's family lives and my usual training ground). 10 minutes into the run and i was completely drenched in my own sweat. The heat and humidity again got the better of me. I did a 14km run in what i felt to be a moderate-to-hard pace, but my heart rate monitor says otherwise. It says i was running in extremely-hard pace (average heart rate of 168). This certainly got me worried because the pace was not fast but it is clear that my body was visibly straining.

Since I returned to Australia, I knew I only have two and a half more weeks to KL marathon. Clearly I have a lot of ground to cover but i have to guard myself from over-doing it. So I have to be very smart about the precise mileage, intensity, nutrition and recovery in this period. Under-doing it, I will find myself struggling to finish; and over-doing it, i would either get injured or arrive at the starting line tired. This period is extremely crucial in deciding whether I would achieve my goal in the upcoming KL Marathon.

So what is my goal? Since I knew what a marathon really is, I have always felt that a Sub-3 hour Marathon is impossible for me. If i could not even run under 40 mins for 10km, how is it possible to hold that fast pace for the entire 42km? Now, after all the training i have done and books I have read, I have seen a glimpse of hope that a sub-3 marathon might actually be possible for me.  So yes, I am aiming for a sub-3 marathon in this upcoming race. 

Obviously the heat and humidity are my biggest worries. And have i done enough in this period to regain the fitness that i had before my honeymoon? I am not sure. Coming next weekend, I would have to do my best to run a smart and surrendered race. Smart in the sense that i need do all i can to maintain my body physiologic parameters (blood glucose, hydration, temperature etc) in constant levels, and I also have to be very patient and run a sustainable pace. A surrendered race? Well, this means that I have done everything I can and I am surrendering everything to God Almighty. He will carry me through to the finish line.

Lord, if it's not Your will, I wouldn't have come this far in my running journey. You have my life at the palm of Your hand, so teach me to trust in Your goodness and perfect plan. Help me to do my best to glorify You. In Jesus' name, amen.  

Mt Mee Marathon

It's been four days since Mt Mee Trail Marathon, and i still have to pinch myself to see if it was all real. The aches and fatigue in my lower leg muscles assured me that i was not dreaming.

This year's Mt Mee Marathon (Mt Mee to Dayboro) assembled a decent field of strong runners, with the top three runners from last year's edition (Dayboro to Mt Mee) returning, Greg (a 2:40 marathoner) and Daniel Nunan (whose PB for 5km is 15:19 and he did 9:28 for glasshouse 100km last year) toeing the starting line. For the past two months, I have moved to Mt Mee (as a temporary accommodation before i move to Delaneys Creek at the end of this week). Mt Mee is indeed a training paradise for runners as its hilly terrain and beautiful trails meant that you can a great work out each time you head out.

For this race, i was determined to get my pace right. It's my first marathon since 2011 and i have forgotten how to pace a marathon, and the bonking experience in Pinnacle Classic is something that i don't want to repeat again.

When the race started, all of us settled into a comfortable pace, just running and chatting along. Greg went off with another relay runner and they both disappeared from our view in about 4-5km into the race. I was running with Dan, Richard (1st from last year) and Simon (2nd from last year), and Peter (3rd from last year) joined us soon after. The five of us traded places every now and then, but always staying in sight of one another. The first part is essentially a downhill run for about 10km, and then we started the first steep climb for over 7km.

When we reached the Rocky Hole (the bottom of the first 10km), Dan and I started to make a move away from other runners. From the way Dan was running, you could see a sense of ease in his uphill stride. We chatted a little during then, and i had to work hard to hide my nervousness running beside this runner star. He is the kind of guy that i read about online and in articles, so running next to him is definitely a great and adrenalin-filled experience. He would pull away from me in the uphill, and i would slowly wheel back in the downhill (thanks to the hokas!). At about 15km, we caught Greg and another relay runner. Greg was not enjoying the hills so much, coming from his road marathon background. Dan and i then continued our way to the gantry (17.5km mark) in first and second position.

From the gantry, it was mostly downhill (with a stretch of 1.5km of uphill in it) all the way to the bottom of Mt Mee, where the trail joins into tarmac road (26km mark). Dan and I continued in the same pace, and I tried to run as easy as possible in the downhill to save up for the last 16km of undulating road terrain. We exited the trail at 1:58, and we were now on the road for the last 16km. This is where i thought Dan would just speed off and i would never be able to stick with him.

I was holding my nerve at this point and i told myself i would run 1km at a time. We were doing 4:05-10/km pace then. To my surprise, i was still able to keep up with Dan, and the pace wasn't killing me. I was consciously keeping it under control because i didn't want to lose it halfway and end up having to crawl to the finish line. I wanted to finish the same way i started.

We then reached 34km mark where we did this out and back route for 3.6km. This part has a lot of uphill in it and we both had to slow to a hike in certain part. We then reached the turn-around and much to our horror, Greg was not too far away. Since the trail joins into tarmac, he has been capitalising on his road-running speed and slowly closing the gap. Ahh!

Soon after the U-turn, Dan started complaining about his hamstrings spasms. As a result, he was not able to pick up his speed anymore than what he was doing then. He asked me to go ahead, and with last 4km to go, the thought of winning the race occurred me for the first time in this race.

I mustered all that i have to try to hold off Craig, whom i know was coming strongly after us. Sadly in the last 1km, he overtook me. I tried to catch up but he was going too fast. I have reached my critical point and I had no energy left for the final sprint. Finally, i crossed the finish in 3:13:42, my new personal best for marathon.

Caboolture Road Runners: Me (Left),  Ian - runner up in 10km (middle) and Steve

Simon (runner-up in last year's Mt Mee Marathon)

Daniel (right) and Krista (Daniel's wife)

Greg (middle) and Sarah (Greg's wife)

Honestly, I could not have been happier with this result. I have never thought i would be able to run this time considering the amount of ascent (1034m) and descent (1505m) in this race. I was initially aiming a 3:30 for this race. Also I didn't mind being overtaken in the last part of the race. Being able to run and keep up with Dan is already quite a reward itself. My confidence level has definitely increased and i am now aiming to run a sub-3 marathon in KL Marathon (Malaysia) on 30 June.
   
You can see the move of Mt Mee Marathon here.

No offense here, but bacon is one of the worst food you can have during post-run recovery :D

Simon's son running like a champ!

Men vs horse round 3 (2 days after Mt Mee Marathon)

4.86km (63m of ascent). 18:11. Men won this time by 2 seconds!

Treading in the path of extremism

‘The purpose of a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.’ Proverbs 20:5

'A man’s steps are from the Lord; how then can man understand his way?' Proverbs 20:24

             The following post is not meant for runners and it’s mainly a sharing of what i am going through spiritually. It may confound Christians and make it seem like I am straying away from God but trust me, this is not the case.

  

              Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking during my run. Is the way I train healthy? Is there a place for competitive running for Christians? Or am I merely striving after wind or chasing my own goals apart from what Christ has for me?  Have I been too extreme in my pursuit of my own hobby? There are no easy answers to these. As there are always two sides to a coin, I can also argue in two different ways. But that’s not really what I am getting at.  I think what I am really asking is: Is God pleased with me and what I am doing? 

              I think about the hours that I put into running and the amount of discipline and sacrifice required.  They are massive. What would God say about them all? If I were to speak liberal, high-achieving modern day Christians, they would probably assure me it’s fine to pursue my own dream, that God gave me this talent for it to be nurtured, that I should do my best to glorify Him (these are the same group of Christians that you see in Australian idol or the X-factor). If I speak to the opposite camp – the conservative, dogmatic group of evangelical Christians, many would undoubtedly comment on how pointless it is to do what I am doing and how my time could have been better spent in reading the bible, praying, being involved in ministry and God’s work (as if running and ministering to fellow runners is not a form of God’s work). In their minds, running, like many other worldly passions, is to be avoided if one is to be serious about his discipleship in Christ.

                If the latter were right, how then would the world know about godly characters such as Eric Liddel (400m Olympic Gold medallist in 1924) and Ryan Hall (current American marathon record-holder), who spent countless hours training in the track and on the road and who, in my knowledge, are both furiously in love with God and His Kingdom’s purpose? How else would the world ever witness the intelligent, genius works of Galileo, Pascal, Newton, Faraday, Paul Brand who also spent numerous hours in their own field of work, studying, experimenting, observing, deducing etc.? Are they guilty of serving two masters – Christ and science, or sport, or medicine? 

Ryan Hall

Eric Liddell

Paul Brand (a missionary doctor who, despite multiple invitations to lead orthopaedic departments or research centres of some of the world's renowned hospitals, decided to spend a third of his career in India working with patients with leprosy)

                If ‘Seek ye first the Kindgom of God and His righteousness’ is strictly interpreted as reading the bible and Christian literature only and doing God’s work in the most traditional sense (i.e serving one another in church, or evangelising to strangers on the street), then many other sincere Christians would be discounted in their service to Christ in their workplace. It is true that if you have interest elsewhere, you may not have as much time reading His Word as compared to say, a person who is a full-time bible college student (a person can only do that much). I will also admit that because of the time I spend in work, studying and running, I don’t have as much time in reading the bible as I would like. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t love God as much, or these things (medicine and running) are more important than God.

              Somehow, it seems like our interpretation of the type of godly activity/work is very much limited to our narrow worldview. If we don’t like music or charismatic worship, we question why other churches are having worship like that of a rock concert with so much noise and lighting. If we don’t appreciate art, we would undermine the Catholic’s emphasis on expression of art in their church architecture. The truth is, God gives each of us a special element of Himself for us to bring it to full expression. Be it art, science, sport, music, they are all special and should be redeemed for His purpose.

               If only you could sneak a peak into the lives of these successful, outstanding folks, to see how they think, to understand what makes them so different from you, and to see that through all of it, they are still very much in love with God. They all work extremely hard, sometimes to the point of obsession (or else how can they be top leaders of their field?), but always guided by biblical principles, as they try their best to balance time between work and spending devoted time with God, though very imperfectly. They are nurturing the gift that God has given them in the most spectacular way, so that the world may see and be amazed by the extraordinariness of God’s people.

                The thing is, if you are only average at your work (I am not saying this in an arrogant or derogatory sense but as matter-of-factly), it will be hard for you to appreciate the heart behind these geniuses. After all, you probably think that it’s good enough for you to be able to recite bible verses and discuss some abstract topics like God’s omnipotence and omniscience, or the subject of free will or salvation on a table with other theologians. Or to end or begin all your conversation with ‘praise God’, ‘thank God’, ‘God will look after you’. Or to cling around Christians only in your holy huddle-muddle and be proud of your Christian accomplishment or service.

              Spiritual maturity is not measured in theological scholarlistic achievement, though meditating God’s Word does play a huge role in keeping you in line with God’s purpose and statutes. It’s the way you live your life, the motivation behind the things that you do, the purpose which you wake up for, how deeply you’d loved, how bravely you’d fought, that you will be judged for when Christ comes again.

  

               Coming back to why I wrote this post… To be very honest, i am not 100% sure if God is pleased with what i am doing. I don't want to be presumptive over this issue and think that my pursuit of this hobby can somehow be 'justified' because i make it sound like it is for God's glory. I fully understand that the heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9), and often times i can't even discern my own motives. There are only three things i can be sure. 1) I love running, 2) I want to do well in it, and 3) I want to do it God's ways and with His strength and wisdom. The challenge then, is for me to remain God-centred and constantly be abiding in Him.

                I know I don’t have a lot of time left in competitive running. Competitive running is taking a lot of hours from my life such that I won’t be able to sustain for a long time (During peak season, I train on average 8-10 hours a week). Next year will probably be my last. Raymun and I still have the massive project of running across Malaysia at the end of next year, which at this point I am not sure if it will come to past. If we are doing the project for self-centred reasons - to fulfil our desire and love for running, then we might as well forget it. We can run in our backyard for this. The only reason big enough for us to pour in our time and effort in planning the entire project is if we could use it to invest into the lives of our fellow countrymen, in helping them understand more about their health.

                My wife and I will have kids one day. When that day comes, I want to focus my time on being a father to them. When Rachel is cooking, instead heading out for a run, I want to sit with them to look after them and sing songs with them. When they are old enough, I want to bring them out for camping and hiking, and to show them a glimpse of God’s glorious creations, to tell them beautiful bible stories and make it real and applicable to them. If they are keen to pick up running, then perhaps we have some common ground to work on!

                Dear Father, bring me to my knees. Bring me back to You when i have strayed away. Hide me in Your love. Preserve me in the midst of trials and temptations. I want to run in the path of Your command, for you have set me free. In Jesus' name, Amen.