Disappointment..

Yesterday I called Rockhampton hospital - the hospital that I applied to for internship, and was told that I didn't get a job offer. They did not say why, but said my name is in the reserve list, and they would call me should there be a vacancy. I was very disappointed, and confused. What's going to happen now?

Throughout the period of internship application, Psalm 27 has given me a lot of comfort and assurance. Internship application is stressful, there have been many nights where I could not sleep and I kept thinking and worrying about not getting a job in Australia. So many what-ifs appear in my mind. At that time, I came across this psalm.

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

The greatest problem in life that is salvation and relationship with God has already been accomplished in Christ. What more should I be worried?

When evildoers assail me,
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.


May this prayer be the prayer of my life, more than anything else, more than getting a job or security of any sort. May I value the things of God more than my own agenda, and to truly enjoy being with Him.

For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.

This verse teaches me to believe in His protection, even in the days of uncertainty.

And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

This shall be my confidence, that whatever happens, God's purpose shall prevail and the enemies defeated. Hence, I would offer praises to Him.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said: "Seek my face"
My heart says to you,
"Your face, Lord, do I seek".
Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.


God will never ever forsake me, even when I have nothing.

Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

I really want to learn Your way Lord. Though I can't make sense of what's happening now, I would be steadfast in my faith in You.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord;
be strong. and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

Finally, I take heart that God's goodness shall be manifested in this life. No matter what the results may be, where i eventually end up, His goodness shall be apparent in my life. So take heart, and wait for the Lord.

This is not a case where you read a Psalm and the Psalm makes you feel good. You see the promises that are in it, and you think that God is going to answer you the way you wanted Him to, because of the promises that He made. No. I did not read this Psalm to mean that God would give me a job in Queensland, Australia. When I read this Psalm, deep in my heart, I just know that my future is in His hands, and He could steer it whichever way He likes.

I think a lot of times we don't realise that we say 'Your will be done', it actually requires our wills to be undone. What i have planned in my heart for my future may not be the same as what God has in mind for me. It's really painful and utterly disappointing, when something that you banked so much effort and hope on does not turn the way you wished. Suddenly there is so much confusion, anger and bitterness rising in the heart. But I just have to deal with them.

Not just that, I must deal with it the faith and strength that God has given me. I must believe that God is the master of the orchestra, that He engineer circumstances for the good of those who love Him.

Yes I must take heart. And wait for the Lord.

Week 2 summary

Monday - 7.5 km (36 mins)
Tuesday - 9.4 km (47 mins)
Wednesday - 10 km (52 mins)
Thursday - 13 km (65 mins)
Saturday - Mount Barney (9hr30min of climbing)
Total - 39.9 km (200 mins)
Average speed - 5.01 min/km or 7.89 min/mile.

week 2 - Day 3

I did 10km today. Discovered new route again. I think one of the joys of running is allowing your feet to take you to new places you won't have otherwise gone, and sometimes to places where vehicles have no access to.

Saw some cattle during the run.

This is where I did a U-turn. The next time, I would run down this road to see what's in there.

I remembered when I was in South Africa, one day I decided to run from my doctors' quarters to the hospital that I was working in. The distance is about 12km, so I had to wake up early in the morning to start running. Later that day, one of the anaesthetists (who is, to be honest, quite a sissy) asked whether I was the crazy one who ran to the hospital early in the morning. He must have spotted me on his way to work. He remarked: 'You need to get your head checked. People invent cars so that you can drive them to work.'

Out of the respect for seniority, I didn't argue with him, though I really wanted to. I don't think he understood the joy of running. When I was running through the empty streets filled with litters and papers on the ground, I witnessed for myself the state of the African lives. Occasionally I passed some early birds who have already started their daily routine; saw some school children dressed in uniform and jumper walking to school; greeted some joggers like myself who were running in the opposite direction, and have the infamous mini bus packed with people (it's the main form of transport in South Africa) speeding past me. Sometimes you wonder what happened there the night before, had someone been stabbed, or robbed, or raped. In your car, you tend to just drive through them or distract yourself with the morning news or music.

This is one of the reasons why running is so fun. You see things. :)

Week 2 - Day 2

I finished work in Gympie Hospital early today.

On our way to Gympie early in the morning, my paediatric consultant showed me Mt Panoma. It is where King of the Mountain race is held every year in the third week of July. The mountain sure looks very steep to me. I missed the race this year, and I sure hope I can run it one day.

I went for a long run today. Did 9.4km in total. Again the route is very hilly with lots of up and down. I realised that my middle part was slow. I tend to slow down a lot when I am running up-hill in the middle part of the run. It's a weakness that I must learn to overcome. Overall, I am pretty happy with the run. And the best thing was, I didn't stretch today! :D

More than the half way mark.

I sort of felt something in my right knee (where the ITB inserts) intermittently during the run. And was I thinking too much?

Lord, help me fix my eyes on Jesus. :)

Week 2 - Day 1

I was going to start the week off easy.

After some thinking, I decided to tackle a route that I used to be afraid of because of the up slope. The distance was not too long, it's just that the up-hill running is endless and it is very steep as well.

I ran about 7.5km today. Great run. The up-hill was indeed vicious. I was almost going to stop and start walking a couple of times. Glad I didn't. :D

At the end of the up-slope. Truly vicious.

T-junction. 1.5km more to go!

I read an article by sockdoc today that muscle stretching is bad for you. Whilst it lengthens the muscles that it stretches, it also weakens it. The important thing during running, is just to make sure the body is relaxed enough (yes you are not supposed to be all tensed up when you run - it's a great way to get injured), and the make sure your running form/gait is balanced, ie not tilting to one side or asymmetrical. The author seemed to have a very convincing argument for it. Wow. Another drastic modern-day error that is ingrained in most athletes. :(

Well if it's true that muscle stretching is bad for you, then great! I can skip stretching now, which to be completely honest, it's not something I enjoy doing. Yo ho! :D

30 Day of Prayer for Muslims

Tomorrow will be the first day of fasting and praying for me.

Of late, God has been laying upon my heart the need to come before Him in total dependence and humility. This means stripping away all my agendas, to-do-list of the day, hidden passions and desires (one of them is certainly food), and coming to Him knowing that He alone is more than enough to provide for my needs. Sometimes, it just breaks my heart that to know of all the things that I do routinely everyday (eg eating, showering, studying), prayer is not part of the list.

I have not actually committed myself to a long period of fasting before. And to be honest, I am quite worried that I might not be able to make it. I am completely inexperienced in this, and it certainly does not help that I am a food-lover. So since this is my first, I would make it slightly easier and attainable. I would wake up early to have breakfast. After breakfast, I would start fasting till evening. During this 'fasting' period though, drinks and fruits are allowed. I know you may think that this is cheating, but I must assure you that even this is super difficult for me. Each day, I would commit to reading of Scripture and praying three times (before breakfast, lunch and before dinner/before i sleep).

The past week, I have been trying to condition myself to follow this exercise. The result? Unsurprisingly miserable. This is really difficult for me. I found myself thinking about food all the time. Well, there is no point in complaining now. I think I would never know how much of God I can trust and cling on to, even in my hunger and struggle, until i step into this 30-day journey.

So Lord, please help me. Truly Jesus said: Men shall not live by bread alone, but by every Word that comes from the mouth of God. I want to believe this, help me to do so.

We are a go!

Yesterday I just chanced upon the Northface 100 Singapore website and saw that the participants' list is out. Eager to see if J Boy's and my name are in, I strolled down the mouse till I saw this..

That same night, before I had the chance to tell J boy, I saw a skype message that he left with me to tell me that our names are up, and that he's very excited too. Telepathy! :D

So that means, we are a go then!

I (or we) chose to use the name - Infinity Milers as our team name because I still identify myself very strongly with the running and mountain-climbing club. It's where both J boy and I truly became brothers and had the opportunity to run and climb together. We raced the Ulu-Langat Eco-Race under the same name (where we got 4th), and some relay triathlon events as well - A Farmosa and Port Dickson (where we got 1st and no-knows-what-position respectively). Our desires then, had always been to make our school proud, and it shall be no different this time. It really does give the extra emotional and psychological push when we know we are running with and for Infinity Milers.

Meanwhile, I just hope our training will continue to pick up. I had a great start last week, considering that I had not been able to run properly for months. This week shall be a new challenge again. J boy is sitting for his final exams as a medical student so he will start training after that. I hope he does well in his exams. So be it studying or running, we have to give our best.

To infinity and beyond. :)